Biker QuestRegular price $10,000.00 Save $-10,000.00
THAT'S WHAT EXPERIENCING IT CAN BE WORTH TO YOU
(but it's actually free)
So WTF is Biker Quest?
It's what you get when you mashup bikers with no holds barred legend tripping, poker runs on steroids, and dope immersive experiences. Find out by joining our fight against the forces of eviel and mass control.
"A positive boon for the cynical ‘been there, done that’ motorcyclist. It’s a powerful new reason to get out and ride...”
"Answers the question: where are we riding today?"
Biker Quest is an app-driven odyssey for motorcyclists that's taking bikelife to the next level. It's a quest for the epic and surreal. For charity and challenge. For growth and brother/sisterhood. It's the holy shit factor, compounded by the adventure two wheels and a motor between your legs can bring.
A GAME-CHANGER FOR BIKERS
As you score points in this app-driven ARG you'll unlock more missions, and a host of the unexpected.
Uncensored, immersive events and experiences. Secret locations and local wonders. Spirit journeys and practical jokes. Biker Dates and quests to places like The Door to Hell.
You'll be asked to commit random acts of kindness. Like raising awareness for an anti-child trafficking charity (and using strippers to help you). Riding the streets dressed like a pirate--or like Santa while giving away toys to kids. Or supporting a motogypsy's ride through the rainforest to help endangered wildlife.
You'll also be competing for Dope Swag, including Biker Dope's Bullet Utility Pants - stunningly innovative water-resistant kevlar pants for bikers. These bad boys have over 26 functions including performance-enhancing thigh grips, a touch-sensitive phone pocket above your knee, a tire repair utility belt, resident zip ties and mini duc tape, a slingshot band, specialized pocket tools, dope micro tech, an award-winning CRKT knife, and a resident emergency power bank. Most importantly it's got a commemorative bullet that'll open your beer.
You in? Great. But before you start, there are a few things you should know. Your biker quest will be a commitment. It'll require gas, balls and compassion (in that order). And like most game-changers in life, it'll be worth it.
• Biker Quest is app-driven and free to download, so you can ride and perform missions whenever you want.
• Join or host rides on Facebook. or on our group texting app. Play alone, in teams or challenge other clubs.
• New missions added regularly.
• Invite your bingo group for the ride (just bring a defibrillator).
• Download the mission delivery app here to start playing in District 2 (NYC and beyond).
Pyroignition Exhaust for Motorcycles & CarsRegular price $299.00 Save $-299.00
Think loud pipes save lives?
Feck that. Flame broil the fuck outta whatever's behind you.
Get creative choosing your victims—unwanted friends, troubling spouses or pesky family members.
It utilizes an M9 military flamethrower modified to fit mufflers and has an effective range of 200 feet. Anything fool enough to be behind you within a 50-foot radius will be toast.
(napalm sold separately)
What was that? Selling a military-grade flamethrower is a violation of our merchant terms of service? Well then, looks like you'll have to settle for this safe and legal Pyroignition Exhaust Kit (yawn).
Get back to us with any questions, or ask for a free human barbecue recipe
WARRANTY, SUPPORT & DISCLAIMER
This device is made to the highest standards and designed to last a lifetime—cheaper flame exhaust products just don't hold up under the heat. That's why the manufacturer offers a Full Lifetime Warranty on all parts. If you find a defect in any part during the life of your vehicle, call the manufacturer's tech geniuses and they'll make it right. Defects in materials and workmanship are limited to repair or replacement at the manufacturer's discretion. Neither Biker Dope, Biker Entourage, LLC, nor the manufacturer shall be liable for accidents, property damage or bodily injury caused directly or indirectly from any defect in this product or from its use. Neither we nor the manufacturer make any express or implied warranty that this product is merchantable or fit for a particular purpose. This is a fucking flame throwing exhaust people. Please exercise due care and use common sense. Do not use around gas, dynamite, clothing, political rallies or other combustibles. Do not use around children. Do not allow anyone to stick their face, private parts or any other part of their clothing or body in front of your exhaust.
3 Megaton R7 Semyorka Nuclear MissileRegular price $3,298,735.11 Save $-3,298,735.11
You're guaranteed to have a blast
Have fun blowing shit up with this 3 megaton Soviet-era nuclear missile.
With a 5,000-mile range, you can destroy a city, small country, or your in-laws' entire world from the comfort of your own home. Or just blackmail governments for cash, cheese or hard-to-find bike parts.
• Intercontinental ballistic delivery system included.
• Dishwasher safe, allergy-free, environmentally tested.
• Honeytrap experience at KGB Strippers included with every purchase.
• See the blast radius and casualty estimates with this neat simulator (just enter 3000 in the kiloton yield).
Semyorka means "quality" in Russian
In the chaos that ensued the breakup of the USSR, a few of these puppies fell out the back of a truck and into our lap. Good times.
They come with a 2-day warranty, but you can also purchase a 15-year service plan (you're welcome).
We stand behind the quality of all our products. If it doesn't detonate then return it with proof of purchase. We'll replace it with the same warhead or another one of equal megatonage.
In case you need us to spell it out, no Virginia we're not actually selling a nuclear missile. This is a joke.
If you're rich, stupid and/or generous enough to buy this then you're responsible for any transactional and other incidental costs associated with giving you your money back.
The other option is that you let us donate some or all of these monies to two charities we support—Biker Down and Association of Recovering Motorcyclists
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