A MYRIAD OF USES
- Improve survivability during a pandemic by keeping people away.
- Explosives for militant animal rights protests.
- Sell on coprophilia kink sites for a handsome profit.
- Send chocolate-covered poo bites to your nemesis.
- Discourage police from searching your smelly car when you're transporting controlled substances.
- Confuse drug detection dogs—we recommend our specialty Bitch-In-Heat Poo (currently half off).
- Place in front of neighbor's door in paper bag, set fire, ring doorbell and run away—repeat until shot or disfigured by a Doberman.
- Hide poo in a snowball or mudpie and throw it at someone much larger than you.
- Gift wrap it, label it Winnie The Poo's Poo, and give it to a deserving child.
- Throw it at your nemeses.
- Throw it at a biker (R.I.P.).
- Throw it at your mama naked.
- Throw it at a chimp (who threw poo at your granmama first).
- Create an Amazon listing for a glitter bomb—then send it with exploding poo instead of glitter.
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100% ORGANIC & ETHICALLY SOURCED
We harvest our poo from our two prodigious poop-makin' producers, Daizy and Bandit.
This Bag 'O Poo is 100% organic and made of the best dog poo money can buy. You get it straight from the source, our dogs' anuses.
We guarantee this product is 100% full of shit.
If you find better shit elsewhere, it's just gonna be tough shit...because our shit is softer!*"
- Deme Spy, CEO
*Does not apply when our dogs or preppies (see below) are not properly hydrated.
Supplies are limited. We reserve the right to replace our dog poo with this guy's 100%, ethically-sourced preppy poo--always harvested safely in Ivy-League schools and other elite institutional settings.