BURNER DOPE

Glow-In-The-Dark Scorpion Belt Buckle

$33.00

It doesn't get more badass than this

Made of alloy metal and carved with Western designs, this unique belt buckle has a real scorpion embedded in it.

And did we mention the luminous center glows in the dark after being exposed to light?

You're welcome 🤟🏽

SPECS

Fits on standard 1.5" snap-on belts

Size: 9 x 7 cm (3.54 x 2.76 in.)

Weight: 0.089kg

Delivery: 2-4 weeks

This product ships to you directly from our overseas supplier

The Bullet Belt

$55.00

Rock 'n reload

When you're shooting for that outlaw bandit look, it's time to rock this genuine leather belt that looks like a bandolier loaded with bullets.

It comes in four colors and three sizes, and is also studded with skull and crossbones, and a design featuring a gun in front of a row of bullets.

The buckle and bullets are metal alloy, and the belt is 3.8 cm (1.18 in.) wide.

Rock it and you'll never run out of ammo, or have to ask yourself "did I fire six shots or only five?"

Plays well with Bullet Boots.

Delivery: 2-4 weeks

This product ships to you directly from our overseas supplier

3 Megaton R7 Semyorka Nuclear Missile

$3,298,735.11

You're guaranteed to have a blast

Have fun blowing shit up with this 3 megaton Soviet-era nuclear missile.

With a 5,000-mile range, you can destroy a city, small country, or your in-laws' entire world from the comfort of your own home. Or just blackmail governments for cash, cheese or hard-to-find bike parts.

• Intercontinental ballistic delivery system included.
• Dishwasher safe, allergy-free, environmentally tested.
• Honeytrap experience at KGB Strippers included with every purchase.
• See the blast radius and casualty estimates with this neat simulator (just enter 3000 in the kiloton yield).

Semyorka means "quality" in Russian

In the chaos that ensued the breakup of the USSR, a few of these puppies fell out the back of a truck and into our lap. Good times.

They come with a 2-day warranty, but you can also purchase a 15-year service plan (you're welcome).

We stand behind the quality of all our products. If it doesn't detonate then return it with proof of purchase. We'll replace it with the same warhead or another one of equal megatonage.

In case you need us to spell it out, no Virginia we're not actually selling a nuclear missile. This is a joke.

If you're rich, stupid and/or generous enough to buy this then you're responsible for any transactional and other incidental costs associated with giving you your money back.

The other option is that you let us donate some or all of these monies to two charities we support—Biker Down and Association of Recovering Motorcyclists

Brought to you by:

Skull of Thine Enemy Bowl

$222.00

You can do more than just drink from it

Unlike the cheaper (and shittier) skull bowls found elsewhere, this one's a detailed replica of a real male human skull cast in resin. Note the imprints of the brain folds on the inside of the skull.

The inside of the bowl is coated with a food safe resin coating, tested with liquid up to 205 degrees Fahrenheit. That means you can not only drink but eat Wheaties and soup from the skull of thine enemies too!

Each piece is hand-painted and takes 5 days to create. This item is not microwave safe, dish washer safe or a pet chew toy. It would however look bad as fuck on your bar, desk, garage or Maori human skull trophy room.

Viking Skull

$555.00

Replica of a real human skull carved in the spirit of a berserker Viking. The original skull itself is over 120 years old, and real bear canines and viking relics were used in making it.

It can be worn as a mask but it was made to be displayed on another skull, hanging on a wall, or on a stand.

This remarkable piece is sure to be an attention-getter whether in a glass dome, hanging in your cubicle, or displayed where you store your other body parts.

If you plan on wearing it, it's recommend that you wear it over a black balaclava.

• Hand-painted
• Has 24 pieces but comes fully assembled
• 120 hours carving time, 2 weeks to mold, and 3 days to paint, seal and assemble

Special Forces Carved Skull

$333.00

Special Forces are as badass as it gets. And a skull is as badass as it is. We put the two together to make this carved skull, a beast of craftsmanship.

Exorcist Skull Mask

$399.00

Covered in Latin verses and ancient Christian symbols, this astonishing and creepy-as-fuck skull mask was inspired by Tibetan necromancer skulls and Ephesians 6:12:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."

Carving time: 125 hours

Big Bag 'O Poo

$111.11

We all gotta duck when the shit hits the fan

A MYRIAD OF USES

- Fertilizer.

- Improve survivability during a pandemic by keeping people away.

- Explosives for militant animal rights protests.

- Sell on coprophilia kink sites for a handsome profit.

- Send chocolate-covered poo bites to your nemesis.

- Discourage police from searching your smelly car when you're transporting controlled substances.

- Confuse drug detection dogs—we recommend our specialty Bitch-In-Heat Poo (currently half off).

- Place in front of neighbor's door in paper bag, set fire, ring doorbell and run away—repeat until shot or disfigured by a Doberman.

- Hide poo in a snowball or mudpie and throw it at someone much larger than you.

- Gift wrap it, label it Winnie The Poo's Poo, and give it to a deserving child.

- Throw it at your nemeses.

- Throw it at a biker (R.I.P.).

- Throw it at your mama naked.

- Throw it at a chimp (who threw poo at your granmama first).

- Create an Amazon listing for a glitter bomb—then send it with exploding poo instead of glitter.

For a chance to win a Big Bag 'O Poo
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100% ETHICALLY & ORGANICALLY SOURCED

We harvest our poo straight from the source—our two prodigious poop-makin' producers Daizy and Bandit.

"This Bag 'O Poo is 100% organic and made of the best money can buy. You get it straight from the source: our dogs' anuses.

We guarantee this product is 100% full of shit. If you find better shit elsewhere, then tough shit on us"

- Deme Spy, CEO

TARGET BAG INCLUDED!

WE'RE NOT REALLY SELLING YOU POO, THIS IS A JOKE!